Griping

I was just scanning facebook while I was waiting for my pictures to load and I read my cousin Jennifer's byline about being positive because everything is so negative in the world. Jennifer is one of the most fun people to be around and has had a lot of tough times and has laughed through a lot of them. I was feeling incredibly grumpy and sorry for myself, and despite her bright call for positivity am still in a very bad mood--Sorry Jennifer. Give me a few hours and I'll be okay again. In the meantime, I sort of feel like writing in one of the two or three journals I have floating around that I haven't written in in ages, but I know if I did that it would just be a lot of venting and probably just make me more angry and irritated. So instead I'm writing a blog entry and griping to the great void. You do not have to read this at all. In fact I'm writing it for myself and should probably just push delete when I'm done, but I'll post it so people who think other people have blogs to show how perfect their lives are, are incorrect in this moment. So I'll gripe first then count my blessings to end on a positive note. Gripes: I made a dinner I was so looking forward to and it totally didn't turn out. It was a new recipe and I bought cheap chicken (so much for my resolves to change the world huh?) and didn't buy the right kind of bread crumbs, so perhaps I'll try it again. Andy and I had a discussion about food and shopping (let me make it clear ANDY DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO MAKE ME THINK THIS--I THOUGHT IT ALL ON MY OWN!) and I just realized I'm not a very good cook and my desires for a healthy family would be greatly improved if I could improve my organizational skills, time management, and cooking skills. I need to plan better and make more time for preparing meals that everyone would like and that are also nutritious. Also, my house is almost always a mess. I hate that. I never thought I would have a messy house. I grew up in a very neat and orderly house. I know how to clean, it just is always messy--and sometimes dirty. I think I just need to accept this and move on with life. Actually today (as part of counting my many blessings) Caleb went to bed at 9:00, which is early around here, Annika is asleep, the dishes are done, and things are fairly picked up. But this is highly unusual. If anyone were to stop by randomly, chances are it would be a mess. An embarrassing mess. Not just, "oh I have a two year old and some toys are in the living room mess," but dirty dishes, stuff on the counter that needs to be dealt with, messy bedrooms, probably the bathrooms need to be cleaned, etc, etc. If I start thinking about it, I can come up with a few dozen things that need improvement in my life. So I need to stop thinking about it. If this were a journal entry it would be way worse and like Alisa, I need to go through and edit my journals before I die, so why add another entry that would just need to be disposed of? Instead I'll get it out of my system on the computer. Andy just came home so I'll wrap this up with some positive things. Andy just went to the store and got food for his lunches. Annika is an amazing sleeper. Caleb falls asleep by himself and sleeps through the night. Andy has a good job. We just bought a house. Our peas our coming up. Yes--I have one ince pea plants!! I was very happy about that!